Hate That I Love You So
by RillianeK
Summary: I love you. But I hate it since I couldn't get to say what I really feel.
1. I Hate You, I Love You

I hate it. I hate this feeling. Here I 'am in my room, sitting on the edge of my bed, thinking of him _again_. Oh where are my manners…? Let me introduce myself, my name is Flaky V. Grey, I'm 17, and I'm _IN LOVE_ with my best friend, Flippy. I know I sound very much over reacting here, but it's true, out of all the people that could pop in my mind 24/7 it had to be him most of the time.

He is just _really_ something… He keeps on thinking things about himself with bad things that I don't even see. I see a wonderful boy, who I'm thankful to have as a friend. I opened my phone as it lit up a picture of me and him from the karaoke fest last week. He was absolutely good in singing, I don't know about my voice though…

'_Hey Flaky, I'll be over in 15 minutes, Okay? Great. See ya! -Flippy_' He texted

A huge grin crept across my cheek and blushed furiously. He's coming! I immediately texted back:

'_That's great! See you then! -Flaky_' I sent my text

I threw my phone across the bed and rummaged through my closet for a decent outfit. Yes, I always try to look my best. Problem? Well it's none of your business! I wore my white dress that had a thin strap wrapped around my neck and had ruffles on the bottom. It was plain, I know. So I held my hair back with a white head band and wore white flats.

'_Will this do? Did I over do it?_' I thought as I faced the mirror and twirled a few times

'_Rrriiinnnggg!_' I clumsily picked up my phone as it rang and held it up to my ear.

"Hello?" I said meekly

"_Hey Flaky, mind looking to your right?"_ he said

As I looked to my right, there he was, out my window, sitting on a branch of a tree. How classically romantic! I dropped the call and settled my phone on my bed. I opened the window and let him in. Well that's weird… he wasn't in his usual army uniform… but in casual clothes! It suits him very… very well…

He was in black jeans, green polo shirt and black shoes. I wish he'd where more of these type of clothes often.

"Uhm… Earth to Flaky? Flaky?" Flippy called out my name as I dazed off

"Oh- huh! Oh… sorry, I was just lost in my thoughts…" I stammered shyly

"Again? Well, where's your guitar?" He asked happily

"Its," I looked around the room "In my closet." I said

"Oh great! Stay right there, I'll go get it." He said as he went over to my closet right beside my room outside

I sat on the edge of my bed and crossed my legs. He came back with my guitar and closed the door behind him. He sat beside me and started to tune it up a bit. I stared at his wonderful shade of emerald green eyes, how much I love him so… If he only knew how much that is.

"You know what, there's this girl in school…" he said as he kept his eyes on the guitar as he tuned it

My eyes widened in shock. A girl? In school? Who?

"Who is she? And what is she like?" I asked in a soft but saddened voice

"Well, she is very pretty, she has a great personality." He smiled at the thought of the girl

"Wow… she must be very fortunate…" I said as I looked away

"If she only knew." He mumbled

I looked out the window and tried to hold back tears. That girl must be very lucky. If I was in her place, I'd give him everything… I'm prepared to. My heart belongs to him, I'll be faithful, and I'll stay by his side no matter what.

I felt a warm touch on my hand; I turned to see him holding my hand. He soon let go and positioned the guitar in place.

"Do you know the song: 'Hate That I Love You'?" he asked

"Yeah, it's my favorite. Why?" I said

"Let's sing it then. It's been ages since I've heard your voice." He smiled

"Alright. Start then." I said as I faced him fully and listened to the tune

_**[Flaky] **__That's how much I love you (yeah)  
That's how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah)  
And I can't stand ya  
Must everything you do  
make me wanna smile  
Can I not like it for awhile  
No.._

_**[Flippy] **__But you won't let me  
you upset me girl  
then you kiss my lips  
All of a sudden I forget  
that I was upset  
can't remember what you did_

_But I hate it_

How much I like this song, it's one of my favorites! And I can't believe that I'm singing it with Flippy. If he could only look through my sincerity in my voice as I sing, he'll know what I've been wanting to tell him for so long. But I was afraid he'd reject me. If I confess… what will happen? I'm too afraid…

_**[Flaky] **__You know exactly what to do  
So that I can't stay mad at you  
for too long, that's wrong_

_**[Flippy] **__Girl, I hate it  
you know exactly how to touch  
So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more  
so I despise that I adore you_

But seriously, who is this girl? Ugh, I guess I won't be sleeping as I keep thinking. But no siree! I won't, nope! I don't care anyway! But still, she is lucky. Usually he tells me his crushes, but this time, there was no name that has been specifically told. Oh well… I won't pry him.

_**[Flaky]**__ And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)  
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you)  
And I hate how much I love you boy (ooh)  
But I just can't let you go  
And I hate that I love you so.._

I hate that I love you so, Flippy. I just can't get over you, no matter what I do. I just can't. Is this infatuation? I don't think so. Crush? Probably. Oh god…

_**[Flippy]**__ And you completely know the power that you have  
the only one that makes me laugh_

_**[Flaky]**__ Sad and it's not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I  
Love you beyond the reason why  
and it just ain't right_

_**[Flippy]**__ And I hate how much I love you girl  
I can't stand how much I need you  
And I hate how much I love you girl  
But I just can't let you go  
And I hate that I love you so_

Please tell me he meant that for me. I hope he did. Can he tell I kept blushing and smiling randomly whenever we were together? Whenever we text? Chat? And hang out?

_**[Flaky & Flippy]**__ One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me  
And your kiss won't make me weak  
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me  
So you'll probably always have a spell on me.._

_That's how much I love you  
How much I need you  
That's how much I need you  
That's how much I love you  
That's how much I need you_

I need you so much. I love you so much, it hurts. I wish I can say it, but I'm afraid that you might reject me. I'm afraid you'll never talk to me again. And mostly, I'm afraid to lose this special friendship we have.

_**[Flaky]**__ And I hate that I love you so…  
And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey)  
I can't stand how much I need you (I can't stand how much I need you)  
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah…ooh)  
But I just can't let you go (But I just can't let you go, no)  
And I hate that I love you so_

_**[Flaky & Flippy]**__ And I hate that I love you so... so…_

I miss you so much at times when we don't talk much or see much. I try to hold these feelings back, but for how long?

"Gee, you are so great!" he said happily as he patted my shoulder

"You too, I think I was a bit high." I chuckled nervously

"No you weren't, you were perfect!" He chuckled proudly

"Really? Thanks!" I said

He exhaled tiredly and looked at me with those sweet & innocent eyes. I see nothing wrong with you, even if you think you're not that good looking or having such a dangerous other personality but I still love you for you. I'd love you to know that. In my eyes, you're perfect.

"Well, I have to go." He said as he settled the guitar on the corner of the room

"What? Wait please-!" I said as I grabbed his hand before he could go

He turned back at me but my head was hung low and faced the cold floor. In a heart beat, I hugged him. So tight, that I wished I'd never let go. Never. How I'd ached and dreamed to hold him like this.

"Goodnight Flaky, see you whenever." He said as he pulled away

"Goodnight Flippy…" I muttered

I quickly noticed that I haven't still let go of his warm hand. He slipped away and positioned himself on the window.

"Wait!" I yelled

"Yes?" he said smiling as he turned to me

"I-I…"

_Say it Flaky! Come on!_

"I-I… Uhm…Careful on the way home." I stuttered

_STUPID! _

He chuckled and ruffled my hair.

"Sure, goodnight Flaky." He winked at her and jumped off

"Night…" I trailed off

What the heck?! I blew it! I totally blew it! I wanted to say it, but I still can't to bring myself to. Maybe on the right time and right place.

_I want you to know that I love you, so much. I don't think you're bad, I think you're an angel, MY guardian angel that kept me company. I feel so sad and depressed how I can't bring myself to say it to you, but maybe not now… but I hope soon. _

_I'll wait. I'll wait… no matter how long…_

* * *

**_Hello! Im sorry if this wasnt an update but im doing my best since school work is on the way D: I had to pour this out through Flaky's POV, If you know the feeling, then thats how i feel. I hope for some of you can relate :) Please review & id like to hear your thoughts guys, be honest :)_**

**_Song used: Hate That I Love You - Rihanna feat. Ne yo_**

**_-Kimmy :) xoxo_**


	2. Last Night, Good Night

_Midnight. _I sat on my bed and my back leaned against the head board of the bed as I read: _A Walk to Remember by Nicholas Sparks._ It became a habit of mine to stay up this late to read a book before I sleep; it calms my mind from the stressful day that had passed or just to take my mind off about someone. I felt something vibrate from my pocket and took out my phone to reveal a text message. I didn't know he'd still be up this late though.

_*I know this might be late, could you come over? -Flippy*_

Come over at this kind of time? What could have gone wrong now? If it's another girl problem, I'm going to bang my head at the concrete wall multiple times and I won't give a care if I die from blood loss. I exhaled deeply at the idea that I couldn't bring myself to say no. I started to text him back,

_*Alright, I'm on my way.* _

I slammed my flip top phone shut and shoved it back in my pocket. I put on a black cardigan over my yellow tank top since it was breezy outside; I slipped into my jeans clumsily as I stumbled on the ground and mumbled a curse under my breath. I quickly put on my black boots and tied my hair in a ponytail.

I went downstairs to see my mom watching a soap opera as she sat on the couch hugging a pillow. She glanced at me and turned down the volume of the television.

"Where are you going sweetie?" she asked sweetly as she turned to me

"Flippy asked me to come over, mum." I said as I tucked my hands in the pocket of my jeans uncomfortably

"I'm not sure about this dear…" she said as she shifted an uneasy expression

"He sounds troubled, mum. I need to be there for him and you know why…" I said and blushed shyly

She exhaled deeply and forced a small smile.

"Just be careful… call me if anything comes up." She said

"Yes, mum. Goodbye." I said as I went to the door

As I went out, a cold breeze brushed my neck that caused shivers up my spine. I crossed my arms as I started to walk to his house. Luckily he was only 3 houses away from me which gives me just 5 minutes of walking going there.

The neighborhood fell dead silent in the night but lively in the day. The full moon served only as the light for the night, no street lamps were lit open. The darkness scared me but I've gotten this far, no way am I going back, plus the small noises the crickets and winds made were making me tremble in fear even more. Even if I did enjoy the night atmosphere, it made me feel scared at times as if it gave me a sign that I was completely alone.

As I reached his front porch, the door was slightly open, letting a small ray of moonlight enter the dark house. My hands trembled as I swung the door open, my eyes widened to see the furniture scrambled everywhere, I see shattered pieces of glass on the floor and drips of blood that lead up the stairs.

"Wha-What…"

It was all I had managed to say at the sight. I have two options: _One, get out and go home and never speak about this again or two, I'll see if Flippy is alright (like the moron I' am) and comfort him_. But the downside to option two is that I'll be facing evil instead of Flippy.

But I have to see if he's safe & sound.

I looked up the staircase to see the trail of small drips of blood leading upstairs. It was still dark so I grabbed the railing for support and with no other hesitation; I took cautious steps as I made my way upstairs.

I took one last step and looked over three doors visible in the hallway but I followed the drips of blood to a certain room. Should I enter? My hand reached for the knob and shakily turned it around. I slid it open gently and when I heard something, I swung the door completely to see Flippy's parents dead on the bed. Their eyes were opened wide and mouth agape in shock, a pool of crimson red was spread widely across the floor.

My heart started to beat wildly and unevenly, I took a few steps back but before I could completely run away and suddenly I felt two strong hands cover my eyes and mouth. I tried to struggle to beak free but it was useless, I felt myself being dragged somewhere with his hands still covered my eyes and mouth. I heard the door shut loudly behind us and he had thrown me across the cold floor. I breathed heavily and fresh tears started to fall down my cheeks.

My arm was pulled fiercely as if it was being pulled out of its socket. I didn't bother to look at who it was because I already knew who it was, but it wasn't who I thought it would actually be.

"Would you quit your whining already?!" he yelled

I bit my lower lip to hold back choked hiccups and faced to see emerald green eyes. I calmed down a bit to see Flippy looking really depressed and mad.

"F-Flippy…" I stuttered

He dropped me unto the floor painfully as he left me as he settled on his bed. I felt like a ragdoll for the second he threw me back on the floor as if I was no use and importance to him. I stared at him as I was still on my knees at the floor.

"What h-happened…?" I choked out the courage to bring it up

"_He_ killed them. _I_ killed them!" he said as his voice grew tougher by the words: _Him _and_ I_

I got up and tried to compose myself as I made small advances at him. I walked at his side and reached my hand to his shoulder but he flinched at my touch, refusing comfort.

"My parents scolded me for coming home late. I tried to reason out why I was late but with all the stress with school work… I let anger get the best of me which had let him out… I pleaded with him to stop, but he never did… god I'm such a monster…" he said as he buried his face on his hands

"You're not a monster…" I said as I placed a hand at his shoulder but this time, he didn't flinch

"Liar" he said coldly

He cocked his head at me to reveal those fierce neon green eyes of evil. I stumbled back a bit but I didn't want to run away, not anymore…

"No." I said as I placed my hand at his cheek

Evil's face went softer and shut his eyes, and once his eyes opened it revealed Flippy's emerald green ones. He exhaled deeply and looked away as my phone rang.

'_Damn mum and her timing…_' I thought

"Hello?" I said as I put the phone at my ear

I glanced at Flippy who was lying at his bed in guilt.

"_Flaky, you alright sweetie?" _she said

"Yeah, mum… Uh… Mrs. Blaze offered if I could stay the night, is that okay?" I lied

"_Oh… well, as long as you're okay there then fine. Greet Flynn & Miranda for me sweetheart!" _she cheered and dropped the call

Mr. Flynn Blaze & Mrs. Miranda Blaze are Flippy's parents, our parents are really close way back when they were in college. That's what leads me into meeting Flippy when I was young. I put my phone back in my pocket and sat on the bed.

"You should leave. She'll find out that you lied." He said with his back turned on me

"I won't. I can't just leave you here knowing you're not okay…" I muttered

He got up and groaned. He looked at me annoyed.

"What if I hurt you?" he said firmly as he gripped my wrist tightly

"I-" I paused and winced in pain "You won't h-hurt me. It won't be y-you anyway, it's evil… n-not y-you…" I said trying to fight back tears

"Were the same person, Flaky. Keep that in mind." His words felt like venom as he spat them out and released my wrist from his grip

He lay back down but this time he was facing me. His face went a bit soft as he saw me cry silently as I looked at him in full concern. I wiped my tears away and felt a pang of pain from the way he was treating me now. But come what may, I'll still comfort him.

Without hesitation, I hugged his neck as I settled beside him. At first he was trying to push me away, but at the next few seconds he stopped. I felt something wet drip through my top; I looked down at him to see that he was crying silently. I brushed his hair gently and hushed him to calm him down.

"I'm sorry…" he mumbled

"It's okay…" I said as I pulled away

I looked at him to see his eyes opening and closing slowly as he was about to give in to sleep. But he tried to fight it anyway. His hand grabbed mine in an instant before he could fall to sleep. I lay beside him, my hand intertwined with his. I studied him as tears rolled down his cheek as he slept. What kind of dream world are you in? I hate to see you cry…

_Peacefully...  
You're sleeping in profile to me.  
What kind of dream are you dreaming?  
I see a tear sliding down your cheek...  
What kind of world are you in?_

I wiped his tears away with my free hand but more came down from his closed eyes. It must be a really horrible nightmare. Please be alright in your dreams… looking back at everything we've spent together, I really enjoyed every single moment. Even if he gets a bit sarcastic and kind of jerk-ish, I put up with it because I wanted to have a good time with him and it all turns out alright in the end that brings up a smile to my face as I sleep.

_I've been nursing this feeling..._  
_That I had for a moment..._  
_You never knew!_

_Last night, good night!_

He had my back ever since the day we met and I never turned my back on him, no matter what and I wouldn't even think of leaving him. Ever. I secured my hand tightly on his as his grip on mine never weakened. I guess I'm the only one who he can hold onto with these kinds of hard moments. I'm in great debt to him; he always manages to make me smile for the day that relieves all my stress & worry. Just to see him happy and okay, then that's already fine with me. I kissed his forehead lightly and smiled.

_For the rest of your life I will be with you!  
Holding your hand I lie next to you...  
And kiss you goodnight._

I remember that we had different time zones when I flew to Singapore with my mum. We've stayed there for 2 weeks, it was fun but I wish I could've spent it with him too. When I wake up, he is sleeping; when I'm about to sleep, he had just woken up. It was torture, we talk less that way and sometimes we don't due to busy times those weeks.

_I wish I could see the morning sun with you._  
_Like we once did._  
_I remember it was so sweet._

My dear friend, I'm more than thankful for everything you'd ever done. Even if I can't predict that something will really level up between you and I but this is enough for me. I won't leave you, I'll stand by you. Just one wish I ask of you, _don't leave me_. Alone in my whole life, yet I found myself quite a heck of a friend. I gripped on his hand tighter, never wanting to let go. I saw his face expression change as I saw a ghostly smile tug his lips.

_I wish you would always stay here with me._  
_I'm waiting for a miracle to happen...!_

Maybe I shouldn't confess at all, too much will be at risk. I'm okay with this. He deserves better-no, he deserves the right person for him. When I pulled my hand away, his grip on mine just got tighter and he had groaned in his sleep.

"Don't leave…" he groaned as he was still asleep

"But-" I paused as he put a finger on my mouth

"That's-" he opened his eyes dreamily "an order…" he trailed off as he went back to sleep

_I can't leave you behind...  
There is just too much that I have to say!_

_Last night, good night!_  
_Last night, good night!_

I got shocked from a second he woke up but I found that silly and cute, like always. I then sighed in defeat and tried to settle comfortably beside him, his hands never left mine. Thing is, I couldn't sleep. I don't know if this technique works on me, so I tried to hum a song to sleep. The next thing I knew, his eyes were watching me as I kept humming the tune.

"Don't stop…" he mumbled softly and smiled

I nodded in response and smiled happily. I continued the song I was humming and stared at him as I did. His green locks were tangled with my red hair as I noticed he got a bit closer. His eyes were slowly drifting away each passing minute. But I never stopped with what I was humming as he was actually pleased with the tune.

_Even if my voice is gone...!_  
_I'll always sing this melody!_

_Last night, good night!  
Last night, good night!_

What happens tomorrow when I wake up? I guess he'll be acting like nothing ever happened tonight. As if it never really happened. But knowing him, probably not. I felt my consciousness slowly fade, so I shifted closer to his chest and heard slow & steady beats coming from his heart. His husky smell of perfume, the sound of his heart beats, and his slow breathing was my own lullaby for the night.

_I'm lost in thought..._  
_About the days when I have to be without you._

I looked back at him for one last time to see his small smile on his face. Maybe his dream turned out to be pleasant now, thank god for that… But I hope he'll keep smiling, whenever I'm around or not. Even if I'm not the cause of his smile but another, at least seeing him happy, it's all I wanted to see every morning, noon and night. I looked out the window and prayed a silent wish as I slowly closed my eyes, a smile on my face as I slept.

_So I'll just wish upon a star...!_  
_That you will never stop smiling..._

_So long, good night._

* * *

_Hello! Yes this is THE LAST chapter i'll be making for this one since one of you begged for a second chapter ^~^ Ich liebe dich to my fellow reviewers!_

_Song used: Last Night, Goodnight originally by Miku Hatsune. But the english translation was from rockleetist's cover ^~^_

_-Kimmy G. :D xoxo_


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